A Smile to the West
by AllThatEchoes
Summary: They say that when someone dies before their time, they're given a second chance at life. When Oikawa dies in a massive train wreck, Suga and Iwaizumi are left behind. But when Iwaizumi finds a newborn baby at his doorstep, he's sure he's doing the right thing by giving it to a much more stable family - until he realizes it oddly looks like his dead best friend.
1. Sunrise and Sunset

This story isn't so much to satisfy my need for angst as it is to quench my thirst for rare pairs.

* * *

His phone rang.

Hajime turned over, his groan smothered by his pillow, as he lifted his head to check the time. It was 2:30 in the morning, _who the_ _fuck_ was calling him. He slammed his hand down on his cellphone, and he entertained the thought of just ignoring it – he _was_ sleeping, after all – before pressing "talk" and bringing it to his ear. He didn't even bother to check the caller ID. Someone better be bleeding out. Or dying.

"Hello?" His voice was rough, and he rubbed his eyes to adjust to consciousness.

 _"_ _I'm sorry for calling so late, Iwaizumi-san. I know you've got work in the morning."_

"Suga?" Hajime sat up, turning on the lamp on his bedside table glancing at his muted TV that was flashing something about whatever breaking news the media had managed to discover. He didn't bother reading the headline. "No, you're fine. What's going on?"

If Sugawara Koushi, the man who valued his sleep as much as the next sensible man, was calling him at 2:30 in the morning, something must've been up. And judging by the slight waver in the other's voice, Hajime was right on the money.

 _"_ _It's Tooru,"_ Suga said, letting out a deep sigh.

Hajime should've guessed. "Did he overwork himself again? Or is he staying up watching volleyball matches?" Either way, despite not having played volleyball since they graduated from college two years ago, Hajime still had a hell of a throwing arm. And he wasn't afraid to use it. Especially against one Oikawa Tooru.

 _"_ _N-No."_ Suga sounded on the verge of tears and downright panic. _"He hasn't come home yet,"_ he cleared his throat, _"and I was wondering if you had heard from him."_

Hajime shook his head. "No, I haven't. Did you check with his teammates? You know how he likes to go drinking with them after practice sometimes. Maybe they took him out for his birthday and he crashed at one of their places." Though that didn't make a lick of sense. It wasn't like Oikawa to hang around late with his teammates and not let Suga know.

Hajime ran a hand through his sleep matted hair. When he saw Oikawa again, he was gonna strangle him for making Suga worry like this.

 _"_ _He said he was coming home right after practice today so we could celebrate. I was waiting for him but I guess I fell asleep."_ His bitter chuckle brushed harshly through the receiver. _"And I texted some of his teammates and they all said that he went home."_

Hajime was already rolling out of bed and throwing on a shirt. "The last text message he sent me was before practice started." He looked around. Where were his sweatpants? Oh, there they were. Halfway hanging out of his hamper. He pulled them on. "Listen, I'm coming over, okay? Don't go anywhere."

 _"_ _Iwaizumi-san, that isn't necessary."_

"I'm already dressed," Hajime said. "I don't put on pants for just anyone, so feel honored." He didn't even bother turning off the TV or lamp. "And how long have we known each other, Suga? You can drop the 'san'."

Suga chuckled. _"All right."_

His poor attempt at adding some levity seemed to work. He gave himself a mental pat on the back.

Hajime grew serious again when Suga didn't say anything more. He moved towards the living room. "I'm sure he's fine. We're gonna find him, okay? And when we do, you can be the first one to kick his ass." He grabbed his car keys.

 _"_ _I'm almost looking forward to that."_ It seemed like Suga was going to continue but then paused. _"Excuse me for a moment, Iwaizumi. Someone's at the door."_

Someone's visiting Suga? At this time of night?

Hajime was about to run out to his car and speed over to Suga's immediately when he started catching bits and pieces of the conversation. He stopped when he heard the words "detectives" and "Tokyo Police Department" and something about Suga being an emergency contact. He heard Suga agreeing and giving noises of affirmation to show he was listening.

 _"_ _There was a train accident,"_ Hajime thought one of them said, _"with many casualties."_

Hajime's stomach dropped and his grip tightened around the phone. He didn't like where this was going. But he found himself rooted to the spot, worried that if he made too much noise on his end he'd miss important pieces of this already quiet conversation.

 _"_ _I'm sorry, gentlemen – but what exactly does this have to do with me?"_ Suga's voice was filled with what could only be identified as dreadful hope. Filled with the hope that he wasn't involved in this. That this was all some sort of mistake. Or just a bad dream.

There was a long pause, and for a moment Hajime thought Suga had accidentally hung up on him.

 _"_ _We're very sorry, but your boyfriend – Oikawa Tooru – was among them."_

Suga's response barely registered through the phone call. _"What?"_

Hajime ran back to his bedroom where they were still broadcasting the breaking news and turned up the volume right as they were giving the statistics: **20 DEAD; OVER 100 INJURED.** And only then did he see the massive train pileup behind the reporter.

And only then did he hear Suga sobbing.

* * *

Just as Oikawa's picture showed up on the screen.

Sugawara didn't get out of bed for the first three days, and Hajime was seriously starting to worry. As to be expected, Suga was a wreck that night so Hajime offered the spare bedroom in his apartment until Suga felt okay enough to return to his and Oikawa's place. And Hajime wasn't taking no for an answer. So they packed some duffel bags with a couple weeks' worth of clothes and hauled themselves across town to Hajime's.

Hajime thought he caught some shuffling behind the spare bedroom door from time to time, or thought he heard the bathroom door open and shut, but nothing concrete. He'd leave whatever dinner he made that night outside the door with a glass of water and return in the morning to find the food untouched but the glass empty. And he'd dump the spoiled food into the trashcan, thankful that Suga was at least trying to stay hydrated.

Of course, Hajime kept a straight face during the day in the event that Suga crawled out of bed and would need something, or when he faced Hanamaki and Matsukawa or anyone else that stopped by to offer their condolences.

But at night, when he was alone with nothing else but his thoughts lying beside him, he'd feel the dam beginning to break. He'd feel the tears burn at his eyes and his chest tighten, like he weighed a thousand pounds in such an empty place. That was when he felt Oikawa's absence the most. In the dead of night, when people had gone home to happy and healthy lives. When the traffic slowed to a crawl. When the lights went down. When his head was alight with unanswered questions.

When the world ceased to spin.

When _Hajime's_ world ceased to spin.

On the fourth day, Suga emerged from the bedroom when Hajime was in the kitchen, empty plate and glass in hand and a smile on his swollen, tear-soaked face. And Hajime took it in stride, not drawing attention to Suga's dull eyes or quivering voice or slumped shoulders, and tried to give what semblance of normalcy he could. Which wasn't very much at all.

On the fifth day, Suga started spending more time outside of the bedroom and spent his days on the couch wrapped in a blanket watching comedic re-runs, cheesy soap operas, or anything else that happened to catch his interest on TV. Hajime noticed he completely avoided the sports and science channels.

On the sixth day, Hajime received a text message from one of Oikawa's teammates saying that they had a volleyball match against their strongest rivals (the team that Oikawa had been working so hard to defeat) that afternoon if he and Suga wanted to attend. Suga readily agreed much to Hajime's surprise, to which Suga said that he needed some fresh air anyway. They found themselves on their way to the gym before either of them had a chance to change their minds. And when Hajime saw the team wearing Oikawa's name on the back of their jerseys, it took everything he had to keep himself together. The team won, and Hajime and Suga watched them lower their heads to hide their tears.

"For Oikawa," Hajime heard the captain say.

On the seventh day, Suga had gone with Hajime to the grocery store and out on other menial errands, saying that he couldn't just lay around all day anymore and take advantage of Hajime's hospitality. Hajime knew that Suga still struggled, especially at night when he could hear the other's soft crying behind closed doors, but Hajime nodded. And then Suga asked how he was holding up. Of course, Hajime said he was fine, but the look in Suga's dark eyes told him he knew so much more. That he knew about Hajime's terrible sleeping habits. Or the fact that he stayed up all night tossing and turning in his own tears. Suga knew. Of course he knew.

But that night, Suga knocked on Hajime's bedroom door and peeked inside, the dim light from the hallway pouring into the darkness.

"Iwaizumi?" he whispered. "Are you awake?"

Hajime glanced at the clock. 2:30. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry, but, I just – I can't sleep." Suga fidgeted in the doorway, the light barely illuminating whatever expression he bore or how many tears were running down his cheeks. He looked so small. "Do you mind if I stay here with you? Just for tonight?"

"Not at all." Hajime scooted over to give Suga room on the other side of the bed.

Suga immediately crawled in, pulling the covers up to his face with a soft, "Thank you."

Hajime nodded, knowing full well Suga couldn't see him.

"And Iwaizumi," Suga started, and Hajime held his breath. "Just because I'm not okay doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be."

Hajime felt a lump growing in his throat.

"You loved Tooru, too," Suga continued. "You were his best friend, and I know you miss him just as much as I do. Don't keep yourself from grieving because you think you have to be the foundation here. We can support each other."

Hajime remained quiet but looked over his shoulder to find Suga staring at him.

"You were there for me. Let me be here for you, too." Suga reached out his hand, placing it on Hajime's cheek, his thumb wiping away a tear that Hajime hadn't even noticed.

"It's okay," Suga said, voice soft and warm. "It's okay."

And the dam that Hajime worked all week to build crumbled at his feet.

* * *

 _"_ _How do you feel about tofu tonight?"_

"You read my mind." Hajime held his cellphone between his shoulder and ear as he finished drying up some dishes. "But I'm gonna hold off on the spice, if you don't mind."

 _"_ _Oh come on, it wasn't that bad,"_ Suga said. _"You're being overdramatic."_

"I had heartburn for two days, Koushi."

 _"_ _Not my fault you can't handle spicy foods, Hajime."_

"Not my fault you're a freak of nature." Hajime put a plate away in the cupboard. "I don't understand how you do it. I'm in pain just watching you eat."

Suga laughed on the other end. _"What can I say? It's a gift. At any rate, did you want one of us to make it or did you want to go out? I know a restaurant that has some amazing tofu. And sushi, if you decide to chicken out."_

"Do I need to sign a waiver of any kind?" Hajime asked. "You know, in the event that I meet my untimely end at the hands of whatever you're subjecting me to."

 _"_ _Oh be quiet, drama queen."_

Hajime smiled. "I'm fine with going out tonight. I've been too lazy to go grocery shopping."

 _"_ _Never thought I'd see the day Iwaizumi Hajime shirks his responsibilities."_

"You talking a lot of shit today, Kou."

 _"_ _Another one of my talents."_ The smile was evident in Suga's voice. _"Anyway, I'll be over in about 20 minutes. That okay?"_

Hajime glanced at the clock. 7:30. Right on schedule. "Yup, sounds great. See you then." He hung up and finished drying the rest of the dishes and putting them away.

It had been about a year since the train accident, and Hajime was confident enough to say that things were getting better. Not entirely okay – it would never be okay again. But it was better. Suga had gone back to his and Oikawa's apartment about three weeks after that night and had gotten himself back into a routine. And that routine consisted of him and Hajime meeting every Friday evening for dinner because Suga didn't want to spend them alone, as those used to be the nights him and Oikawa would just stay in and watch movies or go on a date. And Hajime was fine with that. He'd be lying if he said that Fridays were particularly easy for him either.

But today wasn't Friday.

Hajime looked at his calendar on the wall and today's date was circled.

"Happy birthday, Shittykawa."

Hajime decided that with 20 minutes to kill, he could make a quick run to the local convenient store and pick up a few snacks for the movie he and Suga were going to watch after dinner. Suga had never seen _The Lovely Bones_ since he wasn't big on American movies like Hajime was, but he agreed anyway since Hajime watched one of the comedy flicks Suga brought from home.

He was looking forward to it.

Slipping on his shoes, Hajime stepped out into cloudy twilight. Despite already it being well into summer, it had definitely been a cool and stormy one. He made a mental note to bring an umbrella when going to dinner. But upon taking that first step, his toe nudged something, making him look down.

He blinked once. Twice. Three times.

A wicker basket?

Hajime looked around but none of his neighbors were in sight, and there was no visible note attached to the basket. There was, however, a blue blanket draped over the top, and the ranks in the fabric made it seem like it was full of… whatever was in there. Hajime kneeled down to inspect the contents but pulled back when the blanket started to move.

"What the _fuck?"_

And that's when he heard it – the soft, broken whimpers. That's when he saw the outline of a tiny hand press against the blanket. All before there was a loud, piercing wail.

Hajime moved quickly to pull the blanket off the – yup, that was definitely a baby. A living, breathing, very naked baby. Hajime tried to form words, resembling a fish more than anything, as he stared down at the sobbing infant lying in a wicker basket at his front door.

What was he supposed to do?

 _What was he supposed to do?_

He looked around one more time, trying to catch the eye of any passerby, before returning his attention to the still wailing baby. Does he just…?

Hajime grabbed the blanket and picked up the baby carefully, trying to remember all the times he held his little niece when she was born, and awkwardly maneuvered the blanket around the infant's body right as he started shivering. He made sure the head was well supported and had a firm hold before trying to walk back into his apartment.

The baby started calming down almost immediately, seeming to find comfort in the massive warmth enveloping him, in the steady thumping of a heartbeat in his ears, and fell right to sleep. Hajime watched the infant for a moment, taking note of the wild, curling dark brown tufts of hair and how tiny hands were held close to a tiny body, and promptly cursed.

He dug his phone from his pocket with his free hand and dialed, pressing it to his ear, fidgeting as he waited for the call to connect.

 _"_ _Hajime? What's going - ?"_

"When are you coming over?"

Suga held a questioning tone. _"Well, I can leave now since it's started raining. Why? What's the matter?"_

"I have a baby," Hajime said.

And Suga was silent.


	2. Spilled Milk

" _I'm sorry,"_ Suga started, _"a_ what?"

"A baby." Hajime kept his voice low. "A baby who is currently sleeping and could start crying at any moment. Help a guy out, yeah?"

Suga could be heard moving about the room and there was the faint jingle of keys. _"Calm down, okay? You're not gonna make this any easier by panicking."_ The sound of a door opening and closing was drowned out by the rain. _"I'll check him out when I get there but he doesn't look sick, does he? Any lacerations? Bruises? Anything out of the ordinary?"_

"Not that I could see," Hajime said.

 _"_ _Good. I'll be there in a little bit."_

The phone call ended shortly after that, and Hajime took a deep breath when the baby rustled in his arms and let out a soft whimper. _Keep it together, Hajime. You are a grown ass man – you can handle this._ He looked at the baby, moving the blanket over an exposed shoulder – ignoring a twinge of _something_ in his chest – and brushed back the small tufts of hair atop the baby's head.

He sat down on the couch and waited for Suga to arrive.

What else was he supposed to do?

Suga arrived about 15 minutes later, using the spare key Hajime had given him and letting himself in, immediately shedding his jacket and shoes so as not to track water further into the apartment. He dropped his umbrella and a duffel bag near the door.

"Sorry it took me so long," he said. "Traffic. Not to mention the storm's getting worse."

"You can just stay here if it gets too bad," Hajime said, slowly getting to his feet.

Suga moved easily towards Hajime, staring at the infant in the other's arms. "Holy shit, you weren't kidding."

"Why would I joke about something like that?" Hajime raised an eyebrow.

Suga didn't respond and instead went to the kitchen to wash his hands. "So there was no note when you found him?" he asked when he came back, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He moved his bangs from his eyes as they now favored the right side of face instead of being parted down in the middle like they were in high school.

Hajime nodded. "Right."

Suga held out his arms. "May I?"

Hajime carefully moved the baby out of his arms and into Suga's, noting how natural the other was at this and how the baby barely even registered the transition. With Suga being one of the best nurses at the nearby hospital and one who also worked on the maternity floor, Hajime trusted his friend to the utmost as he watched the other glance over the infant with calm, experienced eyes – something that Suga only got when visiting patients at the hospital, Oikawa once said.

"Judging from just holding him, he doesn't seem to be malnourished. He's a solid weight – maybe seven pounds, eight at the most." He set the baby down on the couch and pulled the blanket back, exposing the baby's body and making him shiver. Suga ran his hands along the torso, being careful of the small leftover stump from the umbilical cord. "No protruding ribs or swollen stomach." He carded his fingers through the brown curls. "Hair is soft. And he's got a lot of it, so that's good."

The baby started sniveling and whimpering when Suga continued moving arms and legs to make sure everything was okay. Suga looked at the bottom of the baby's feet and ran his thumb over the prominent, almost leaf-shaped birthmark. He hummed in thought. "That's interesting."

But Hajime couldn't stop the eerie feeling of what he could only describe as familiarity that shuddered through him upon seeing it. Because Oikawa had that exact same birthmark in that exact same place. Oikawa had always been embarrassed about it and was very adamant about covering it up, and the only reason Hajime even found out about it was because he happened to catch Oikawa barefoot one day when they were in middle school. It took him forever to get comfortable enough to show Suga.

And Hajime's heart clenched in his chest.

The baby started crying the more he was shifted about – large, fat tears cascading down his round cheeks. And his cries only grew louder the more he trembled.

"Okay, little guy, I'm done. I'm done," Suga cooed in a warm voice, wrapping the blanket back around him and lifting the baby into his arms. He kept his words in a low and calm tone. "There, there."

"How old is he?" Hajime asked.

Suga patted the baby's back gently and the crying started to subside. "He's very young. Probably just out of the hospital, if the fact he's still got the stump from the umbilical cord is anything to go by."

Hajime's stomach twisted in irritation. "What kind of irresponsible parents would just leave their newborn on some stranger's doorstep?"

"Better you than some orphanage. We don't need another child getting lost in the system." Suga sighed. "We'll have to take him by the hospital to get some bloodwork done and be seen by a doctor, just to make sure he's actually okay, but from what I can tell, he's as healthy as a horse."

"That's good." Hajime released the breath he didn't realize he was holding.

A clap of thunder vibrated through them and rattled the windows as the rain pelted it, streaking diagonally across the panes from the howling wind, and the lights flickered for a moment before steadying.

"But we're not going anywhere if this storm holds out," Suga said. He handed Hajime the baby again before getting up and padding over to his duffel bag and opening it. "It's a good thing I brought all this stuff, then."

Hajime, his curiosity peaked, tried to peek around Suga's body and see what the latter was talking about. The baby wriggled in his arms, whining a bit before snuggling into the man's chest. He got an answer when Suga turned around with three tin cans of powdered formula stacked on top of a sack of diapers and a plastic bag with three baby bottles held in his hands.

"Where did you get all of that?" Hajime asked.

Suga set the items down on the coffee table. "Remember my sister?"

Hajime nodded, her face a vague memory in his head from the two times he's met her.

"Well, she had her baby a few weeks ago, and they come by to visit often enough that I just started keeping supplies at my place just in case she forgot anything at home. And because I babysit. I like to be prepared."

Hajime snorted. "I'll say."

Suga held up the formula. "This is the best brand of formula I recommend so the little guy will be getting the proper nutrition for the next couple of days while things get sorted out. Newborns usually eat every two to three hours, so depending on the last time he ate, he should be getting hungry here pretty quick."

Hajime nodded, taking note of what Suga was saying.

They were quiet for a few minutes, the rain and thunder the only sound between them, as Suga watched his friend cradle the sleeping infant. Hajime fidgeted under the gaze, unable to figure out the look on Suga's face. He'd gotten pretty good at reading Suga this past year as they spent more and more time with each other, but whatever face _that_ was went right over Hajime's head.

He finally caved. "What?"

Suga didn't say anything for another moment. "This is probably a ridiculous question, but what're you gonna do?"

"What do you mean?"

Suga sighed, annoyance brushing across his features. "What are you gonna do in regards to the baby, Hajime? Are you gonna keep him? Are you gonna give him to someone else? What're you gonna do?"

As someone who went through the foster system as a child, Hajime knew for a fact that he wasn't going to drop the baby off at an orphanage with only hopes that he'd find a good family to take him in. Hajime was fortunate enough to be taken in by a wonderful family, especially after hearing some of the stories about the friends he made while there in the orphanage weren't so fortunate. But Hajime couldn't keep him either. He didn't know the first thing about raising a child, and he was busy with work so he wouldn't be able to stay home anyway. There was just no way.

Keeping him was out of the question.

"I'm not gonna pawn him off to some orphanage," Hajime said, staring at the baby's sleeping face. "But I can't keep him either."

"Why not?" Suga asked.

Hajime looked at the other man like he'd grown a third head. "Koushi, I can't keep a baby. I can't raise a child. I'm not cut out for that."

"Why not? You're great with kids. Amazing, even." He chuckled. "I remember Tooru coming home complaining about you being so much better at teaching kids volleyball than he was."

Hajime remembered those countless days of volunteering at the Children's Athletic Center with Oikawa and teaching volleyball like it was yesterday. He still did it from time to time when he was free on the weekends, but he hadn't made it a habit of going back, especially when some of the kids asked started asking where Oikawa was.

"While I appreciate your faith in me, there's gotta be someone else out there who's better suited. Who can give him the life I can't."

 _Someone who won't feel… whatever this is every time I look at him,_ he thought.

Hajime looked at his friend. "Why don't you take him, Kou? You're great with kids."

Suga shook his head. "My shifts are too sporadic at the hospital. And since I work most nights, I won't be able to stay with him."

"Is there anyone you know who's looking to adopt? Or maybe just add another munchkin to the family?" Hajime shifted on his feet. He didn't like this sinking feeling in his stomach. He didn't like how snugly the baby fit in his arms, or how utterly _content_ he looked in his sleep. He didn't like this burgeoning guilt in his chest. Like he was doing something _wrong._

"Actually, I do," Suga said. "I have a coworker who's been trying to adopt for years now but he and his husband just keep getting the run-around. I'll bring them by at some point so you can meet them."

Hajime nodded.

"And if you are truly certain you don't want to keep him, I'll see if at least one of them can shift their work schedules around so one of them can stay home and take care of him until he's old enough," Suga explained. "But this probably won't happen by tomorrow, or even in the next couple of days. My friend's schedule is almost as screwy as mine is and I know for a fact that if he's taking the baby home, he'll want to be able to focus on taking care of him."

"How long will it take for the adoption to be official?"

"Getting all the necessary paperwork approved takes time, especially since they're a two men, so maybe a little less than a month? At best?"

Hajime tensed. A _month?_ That was too long. That was _far too long._ Hajime couldn't keep him for a month – there was just _no way._ Out of the question.

"And until that's settled, I know they would much rather him stay here with you where things aren't so unpredictable."

Hajime was quiet.

"Think you can handle it?" Suga asked. "I know this is asking for a whole lot, and you didn't sign up for this, but I'm going to do everything I can to help speed this process along, okay? My dad's a lawyer so he might be able to help, too."

Hajime nodded again. "Okay."

Afterwards, when the baby started crying and mouthing at Hajime's chest looking for food, Suga showed Hajime how much formula to prepare and how to test it on his wrist for a temperature check. (Of course, this was after Suga laughed his ass off for a good five minutes and called Hajime "mom". And if Hajime hadn't been holding the baby at that moment, he would've thrown something at Suga's head.)

Hajime was now sitting on the couch, a pillow stuffed under his arm so it wouldn't get too tired, watching the baby suckle greedily on the bottle. Large, cocoa, and no doubt curious eyes met his own dark green ones and that ache in his chest was back again. But he couldn't look away. The baby never took his eyes off of Hajime's face, seeming to take every detail in and memorize it.

The rain had started to lighten considerably, though it was still thundering every now and then, so Suga went out to get some clothes and more blankets for the baby. Hajime offered to come and help, but Suga was worried about the baby getting sick so he ordered the two of them to stay put.

"You know, you kind of remind me of someone," Hajime muttered. "I just don't know who."

The baby stared at him in complete awe, like he was trying to understand what Hajime was saying, and his mouth fell open, causing some formula to run down his chin. Hajime quickly wiped it away and shifted him upright and against his chest and patted his back to have him burp.

When that was done, Hajime swooped his legs up on the couch, his head lying on the pillow with the baby resting on his chest, not once noticing how absolutely tired he was. He placed his hand on the baby's small back to hold him steady, and they were both asleep within minutes.

Hajime woke to the sound of a camera snap and opened his bleary eyes to find Suga grinning at him, phone in hand.

"What the hell?" Hajime rubbed his eye with his free hand as the other was still resting on the baby's back. "Koushi?"

Suga snickered. "That was probably the most adorable thing I have ever seen in my entire life." He smirked. "That's definitely going to be my new contact picture for you."

Hajime huffed. Just _great._ "Did you just get back?" he asked.

"Yeah, I just walked in the door," Suga said. "I got clothes and blankets and more formula and diapers. Body wash, too. The little guy should be good to go for the rest of the week."

"Thanks a lot, Kou. I really appreciate it."

Suga waved his hand. "Don't even mention it. Besides, you paid for it. Why're you thanking me?"

"Because I'm an idiot who doesn't know what he's doing."

"You're not an idiot. Just inexperienced." Suga started unpacking all of the items and gave Hajime a pointed look when the other tried to get up. "You sit your happy ass right there, Papa Bear. You're gonna wake the baby."

Hajime grumbled. "Don't call me that."

And Suga just laughed.

They ended up making the tofu after all, since they had no safe way of taking the baby with them, and Suga only gave Hajime's portion a slight pinch of spice, to which the latter kicked his shin under the table and accused him of ruining good food. The baby was snuggled comfortably in Hajime's arms since he absolutely refused to be put down and started crying every time Hajime tried. They watched _The Lovely Bones_ afterwards, too, and while Suga did shed a tear at the scene where Susie meets all of the previously murdered girls in heaven, he nowhere near cried as much as Hajime did. It never failed every single time he watched that damn movie.

Hajime emailed his boss to let him know he'd be taking some vacation time that he'd racked up over the two and a half years he's been busting his ass at that physical therapy office and got the green light about 30 minutes later (with a comment at the end of the email saying that his boss was glad he was taking a break because he worked too hard). He could breathe a little easier.

Suga went ahead and prepared another bottle and put it in the fridge, explaining that the baby _will_ wake up in the middle of the night starving and Hajime's not going to want to hassle with making a bottle half-asleep, and Hajime thanked every deity there was to have a friend like Suga.

"I should probably go. It's getting late," Suga said, slipping on his shoes. The rain had stopped a little over an hour ago, and the clouds were gradually rolling away from the city. "They put me down for an early morning shift right when I had my sleep schedule all in order." Suga's chuckle was dry.

"Damn, that sucks," Hajime said.

"Eh, what can you do." Suga shrugged. "Oh, and I have an extra car seat that I'll bring by in case you have to go anywhere since I forgot to bring it today. I'll stop by tomorrow after my shift to drop it off and come check on him. Mainly on you, though. Just to make sure you haven't burned the house down trying to heat up a bottle."

"Get out of my apartment."

Suga grabbed his jacket and grinned. "See you tomorrow!" And then he was gone, leaving Hajime alone. With a newborn baby. For a whole night.

Hajime sighed.

"Fuck."

This time, Hajime woke up to the sound of a piercing wail.

At first he thought it was his alarm clock and slammed his hand right down on it, groaning loudly when it didn't shut off. He opened his eyes, trying to adjust to the darkness of the room and _where the fuck was that noise coming from_ – oh right. There's a baby here. A now very hungry baby whose cries only grew louder and more intense.

Hajime sat up and turned on the lamp, kicking his legs from under the blankets before picking up the baby and bringing him close to try and soothe him while trekking to the kitchen, turning on lights along the way. He put the bottle in the microwave, and it was if the baby could smell it because he started crying even louder, his chubby cheeks turning red in his upset.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Hajime's voice was soft and a little hoarse from sleep. He pulled the bottle from the microwave after a bit, checking the temperature on his wrist, and placed the bottle to the baby's lips.

Once latched on and seemingly content, the baby brought his eyes back to Hajime's face again, not once looking away. It really was such an intense gaze, even for a newborn, and Hajime thought he'd be uncomfortable under the scrutiny. But instead he found himself draped in that familiarity. A familiarity that he hadn't felt for an entire year.

"You remind me so much of someone I know," Hajime said.

And as the baby continued staring at him, only one name came to mind:

 _Tooru._

He stared up at the person currently holding him, enveloping him in warmth, and found that he wasn't afraid anymore. He wasn't sad. And he wasn't lonely. There was no more darkness. No more pain.

Just safety and warmth and _happiness._

Yes, he was safe with this person.

But he didn't smell like milk, and his voice was low and rumbling as he said words he couldn't understand, but it wasn't terrifying. It brought comfort and security. It made him happy.

Only one word came to mind:

 _Papa._

Yes.

This man was his father.


	3. Overwrite

**Thank you everyone for the reviews, comments, and favorites! You guys are awesome!**

* * *

 **Overwrite**

Hajime was tired.

Wait, scratch that – he was _exhausted._

Despite being on a solid schedule, the baby was still prone to waking up in the middle of the night and cry. He wouldn't be hungry and his diaper would be dry, and he would still just lay there and wail until Hajime managed to coax him back to sleep.

And tonight was one of those nights.

The baby had been up for at least an hour now, crying his eyes out, even as Hajime held him. And Hajime just didn't know _what to do._ He'd thought about calling Suga, but the other was most likely working at three in the morning, and Hajime didn't want to bother him with something that wasn't even an emergency. Or, what if it was an emergency? What if the baby was sick and he just didn't know?

He ran through the list in his head of what Suga told him to look out for.

Runny nose? Nope.

Loss of appetite? Not even close.

Constipation? Definitely not that if the sheer amount of diapers Hajime was changing daily had anything to say about it.

Fever? Hmm.

Hajime placed his hand to the baby's forehead and then cheeks. He didn't _feel_ warm.

Maybe he had a thermometer somewhere…

Suga had scheduled the baby's first appointment at the hospital first thing last Saturday morning when Hajime had gotten a little less than three hours of sleep the night before because the baby had been up crying all night. The appointment went smoothly however, especially under Suga's watchful eye and it undoubtedly made Hajime feel better when Suga told him that the doctor (his name was Kai if memory served) was Karasuno's rival in volleyball and said that out of all the doctor's there, Kai was the best. (Hajime didn't even know _why_ he was worried. It was stupid, really.)

But the sheer wails that the baby let out when they had to draw blood and administer his first vaccine made Hajime's heart drop in his stomach. He hated hearing the baby cry. _Hated_ it. Not because it was annoying or anything, but something in him told him to immediately comfort the baby, to shield him from whatever was causing him pain. ( _You're hurting him, stop it – stop it!)_ And as soon as they were done, Hajime held the baby close, patting his back and murmuring comforting words until he was soothed into a sleep.

And when Kai asked for the baby's name, Hajime blanched. Only one name had ever come to mind when looking at the baby with the curly tufts of brown hair and brown eyes, but that name had belonged to someone else. Someone who had been gone for over a year. Someone who had been his best friend. He shouldn't be thinking of calling this baby Tooru. It wasn't – it was…

It was too fitting.

(And if Hajime remembered correctly, his niece had been watching some movie that said something about 'once you name it, you start getting attached to it', but he couldn't be sure. He'd sat through a lot of kid movies between now and then with her so his memory was a little fuzzy.)

All in all, the baby was outwardly in perfect health and all they needed to do was wait for the results from the bloodwork to come back before being given the all clear.

Hajime noticed that despite being absolutely drained from taking care of the baby over the past two weeks he caught himself feeling lighter, breathing easier. Felt his world spinning again. And in those rare mornings that he'd wake up before the baby, he'd lay there and just… take everything in. How bright the sun would be leaking through the blinds, accompanied by the slightest draft. The wool blanket pooled at his feet. The hum of traffic. The tiny form sleeping so soundly beside him.

And he found himself adjusting.

To what he wasn't exactly sure of, but he was getting used to waking up in the early hours of the morning and feeding the baby or change a diaper, or just sitting on the couch with him nestled in his arms, to name a few. But one thing he would never get used to is the way the baby would stare at him – a stare that was just so full of wonder and awe and pure _innocence._ Like Hajime was the only thing in this humongous world. And it never failed to bring a smile to the man's face.

Suga apologized profusely for not being able to come by at all because shifts at the hospital had been hell for both him and his friend, but Hajime said he didn't mind and that his boss had been very understanding about the whole situation, letting Hajime work from home by helping complete paperwork since the new receptionist was easily overwhelmed and tended to make little mistakes.

Her name was Yachi, and she was in her last year of college. She was a very sweet girl who was usually seen with a smile on her face. Jumpy, yes, but sweet. She immediately recognized Hajime from the last Karasuno and Aoba Jousai game (she practically screeched when she saw him), and while Hajime only did see her in passing, he felt bad for only vaguely remembering her.

Apparently she found out about the job opening thanks to one Hinata Shouyou, who frequented the physical therapist due to a shoulder injury from – can you guess? Overworking himself, that's right. Hajime had half a mind to yell at Hinata the minute he saw that familiar orange mop of hair but refrained from making a scene and simply dealt a whack to the head. Hinata took it all in good humor though, offering condolences about Oikawa and saying how sad he was that he wouldn't be able to play on the national volleyball team with "The Great King."

("You're not going to be able to play volleyball ever again if you keep this up," Hajime had said, thumping Hinata on the forehead. Hinata had sighed, saying that Kageyama had told him the exact same thing and then went on a rant about how if that happened, he wouldn't be able to surpass Kageyama.)

At any rate, she would send him emails and fax paperwork to him so he wouldn't feel like a completely useless bum while sitting at home. It worked out for both him and Yachi alike.

Hajime sat on the edge of his bed once the baby had reduced his cries to mere sniffles and whimpers that transitioned to much needed and appreciated silence. Hajime sighed, the back of his head hitting the headboard as he stared up at the ceiling, remembering that he had also agreed to let Suga bring his coworker (husband included) over to see the baby after their shifts at the hospital.

And Hajime thought he'd be thankful for the upcoming peace. That he'd be happy to meet the baby's future, more stable family. A loving family. One that he had gotten.

He should've been happy.

But he found himself uneasy.

Uncertain.

 _Guilty._

He found himself getting attached.

Thunder suddenly roared up above him, loud and menacing, and the baby was up and wailing again. And as Hajime comforted the baby, he couldn't help but remember that Oikawa was terrified of thunderstorms, even as a grown man. In middle school, Hajime used to poke fun at him for it ("It's just a storm, dumbass, it can't hurt you."), but when he saw how truly scared Oikawa was as he trembled under the blankets, Hajime always made sure to be there for Oikawa when a storm was rolling in.

 _"_ _I'll be fine, Iwa-chan. You don't have to come over every time," Oikawa had said under the thick blanket, the tremble in his voice betraying his tone, obviously embarrassed that he was 16 years old and still scared of a little thunder._

 _"_ _Shut up, Shittykawa – I'm staying." Hajime pulled out his own blanket and plopped down next to his best friend, ready to ride this storm out together._

"Shh, it's okay, it's okay," Hajime pat the baby's back, humming softly to hopefully drown out the thunder. "I'm here, Tooru. I'm here."

He didn't even feel the name slip from his tongue. It was too natural. Too easy.

"What am I gonna do?" he whispered.

Suga and his friends were coming over in less than 10 minutes and Hajime still didn't know what to do. But here he was, twiddling his thumbs, just _waiting_ for Suga to come by so he could meet these people. What would they even be like? What kind of lifestyle did they live? Of course, if Suga was the one who mentioned them, they had to have been at least semi-decent guys. Suga wouldn't have said anything if they weren't.

Hajime had absolutely nothing to worry about.

So why was he so nervous?

There was a cry from his bedroom and Hajime reacted instantaneously, moving to the other room and sitting at the edge of his bed.

"Hey there, little guy," Hajime murmured, picking the baby up and bringing him close. "Sleep well?" The infant quieted once resting in Hajime's arms and nuzzled into his chest, making the man smile. He glanced at the clock: 6:42. About time for dinner. "Hungry?"

After changing a soiled diaper, Hajime moved to the kitchen to prepare a bottle just as there was a knock at the door and he sighed. He grabbed the bottle from the fridge and placed it on the countertop before going to answer it. 6:45 right on the dot. Suga's ridiculous punctuality irritated Hajime sometimes.

"Hajime-kun!" Suga grinned.

Hajime's brow twitched in irritation. "How many times have I told you not to call me that?"

"You tell me not to do a lot of things," Suga said. "Anyway, Hajime – this is my friend I was telling you about, Akaashi Keiji."

The man with steel blue eyes and messy, dark hair next to Suga gave a deep bow. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Iwaizumi-san." And while he looked like he'd rather be anywhere but here, Hajime could see there was a latent fire in his eyes.

Hajime nodded, giving a quick bow. "Likewise. And you don't have to –"

"Hey, hey, hey!" another man with gravity defying white-grey hair and golden eyes popped up from behind them. His grin was bright and contagious, not to mention loud. A literal firecracker ready to go off in explosions of color. "I'm Bokuto Koutarou! Nice to meet ya!" His gaze fell on the baby. "That's the baby, right? He's so cute!"

 _Polar opposites,_ Hajime thought, amused. However, something nagged in the back of his mind the more he looked at Bokuto. Why did the guy look so familiar? Did he perhaps see him at work? No, Hajime knows almost every person that walks in there. High school? Maybe volleyball? He looked athletic enough for it. But his attention was redirected when the baby started sniveling in his arms, obviously disturbed by the loud noise.

"Koutarou, please keep it down," Akaashi said. "You're going to upset him."

"Sorry," Bokuto lowered his voice to a whisper.

Suga turned to Hajime. "We're not interrupting anything, are we?"

"Not at all," Hajime said, moving out of the doorway. "I was just about to feed him, so feel free to come in. Make yourselves at home."

"Pardon the intrusion," Akaashi said as he, Bokuto, and Suga removed their shoes by the door.

"Pardon the intrusion!" Bokuto said.

Suga leaned against the arm of the couch. "How have things been going, Hajime? Sorry that it's been so hectic lately."

Hajime shut the door. "Things are fine, so don't worry about it."

Bokuto came bouncing over to him. Quite literally. "He's so cute! Can I hold him? Can I hold him?"

Hajime tried to ignore the hesitation in his bones. "Sure. I'll go get his bottle ready." He gently set the infant in Bokuto's arms, who, despite what first impressions might give off, held the baby tenderly. He felt something pull at his heart, and opted to walk away before it got worse.

He could feel Suga's eyes on his back as Bokuto sat down on the couch with Akaashi, their full attention on the infant. Stroking his hair. Murmuring sweet things. Hajime put the bottle in the microwave, unaware of how hard he shut it. He sighed.

 _Get it together, Hajime,_ he leaned against the counter. _Get it together. Be happy for them._

They deserved this more than anything. They deserved to be happy.

He brought the bottle back once it was warmed up and handed it to Akaashi. "Here you go."

"Thank you." Akaashi's smile was small as he handed the bottle to Bokuto, who was practically vibrating with energy as he placed it to the baby's lips.

"Would you like some tea?" Hajime offered. "Or water? I've got soda, too."

"Oh no – if you're making tea, I'll handle it. You screwed it up last time." Suga made his way towards the kitchen.

"I'm sorry that my tea is not good enough for your refined palette," Hajime said.

"I'm only looking out for my friends. They don't know how lethal your tea is. Or coffee, for that matter." Suga bustled about, looking through the cabinets and pulling out some cups.

The only sound in the house for a while was Suga preparing the tea, mainly because Bokuto and Akaashi were focused on the baby and Hajime had no idea what to say to them. What could he say to them? But thankfully Suga rejoined them while the tea steeped.

"What do you think, guys?" Suga asked, watching the couple.

"He's awesome!" Bokuto grinned down at the infant. "I'm so excited."

"He's very well taken care of," Akaashi said.

Suga smiled. "Despite his gruff appearance, Hajime here has a heart of gold and has been doing a great job. I was a little worried at first, though. I thought he'd burn down the house trying to make a bottle."

Hajime rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Kou."

"You love me."

"Sugawara-san told us that you played volleyball, Iwaizumi-san." Akaashi directed his eyes towards Hajime, who shifted almost uncomfortably.

"Yeah – in high school and college." Hajime nodded.

"What team were you on? I don't recall seeing you in any games."

Hajime scratched the back of his head. "I played at Aoba Jousai in high school, and then at Tokyo University."

Akaashi nodded, seemingly content with that answer, but his husband seemed to have other plans.

"Aw, man! No wonder we didn't run into you. You're from the countryside like Suga over here. We played at Fukurodani." Bokuto said. Was he _pouting?_

No wonder Bokuto looked so familiar. Hajime had seen him in the _Volleyball Monthly_ magazine as the issue named the top five players with the potential to go to nationals. He had skimmed through that issue, mainly because Ushijima was listed among those, but he remembered seeing Bokuto's picture. And Hajime couldn't help but wonder why in the world someone as good as Bokuto wasn't playing for the national team.

Bokuto continued with his questions. "What position did you play, dude? I'm so upset we didn't get to go against you guys!"

"I was a wing spiker," Hajime said.

"And the ace," Suga added.

"You, too?!" Bokuto exclaimed. He cheered. "Wing spikers are the best! Were you the captain?"

Hajime shook his head. "Vice-captain."

"So I'm the only former captain in the room?" Bokuto huffed. "Lame."

Suga laughed. "Don't get all down and out on us, Bokuto."

"Being the captain meant that you were the best at what you did, so feel honored," Akaashi said, his eyes on the baby.

Bokuto's spirit was immediately lifted. "You're right, Keiji! I was great, wasn't I?"

Hajime couldn't help but wonder how in the hell these two were even together. Sure, they balanced each other out – Akaashi seemed very down-to-earth and calm while Bokuto expressed every emotion with not only his face but his entire being – but Hajime still had a little trouble wrapping his head around it.

He guessed that was how Suga's and Oikawa's relationship used to be. They balanced each other out perfectly. Suga helped keep Oikawa grounded and Oikawa gave Suga those extra boosts in confidence and helped keep his head high. They helped each other out, complemented one another. And with the way they bickered, one would think they were an old married couple. And maybe they could've been that, if Oikawa had worked up the nerve to ask for Suga's hand like he said he was going to.

Hajime never worked up the nerve to tell Suga what Oikawa had wanted for their future.

And if he was considered a coward for that, well, then so be it. Suga was just getting back on his feet. Smiling more. Laughing. Sleeping through the night without being plagued by nightmares. And Hajime didn't want – had no right to take that away.

"I heard Aoba Jousai was quite the powerhouse, though," Bokuto commented as he handed the baby to Akaashi. "Especially Oikawa. Man, I _really_ wanted to receive one of his power serves. That guy was a monster! I heard about this one time –"

"Koutarou," Akaashi hissed.

Bokuto looked at his husband for a minute and then at both Suga and Hajime, and his eyes widened in realization. "Shit – fuck – I am _so sorry,_ I didn't mean –"

Suga smiled. "Don't worry about it, Bokuto. Hajime and I are doing better now. Right?" He looked over at his friend.

Hajime nodded. "Yeah. Totally."

"Still though, I'm _really_ sorry. I just like –"

"Bokuto, don't sweat it." Suga went back to check on the tea, but Hajime could tell that he just needed to be out of the room for a moment. Like he had said before, they were getting better. It didn't mean that they were there yet. "Besides, Tooru wouldn't want us to be sad when we think of him. He'd want us to be happy."

"Right," Hajime said.

And they saw the tension quite literally leak from Bokuto's bones.

They sat there talking for a while, mainly getting to know each other, with Suga's friendship being the common thing between them. And of course, Suga pulled no punches and shared embarrassing stories about all three of them. Hajime learned that Akaashi worked in the cardiology wing of the hospital and Bokuto worked at a small business firm downtown. When asked why he wasn't playing volleyball anymore, Bokuto said that during the semi-final match in college, he had gone up for a block and the new first year on the team collided right into him trying to go for the block, too, and knocked him off balance. But that wasn't the worst of it.

"He landed right on my ankle," Bokuto had said. "Snapped it like a toothpick. After that, I couldn't really go up for a spike, so the coach said my volleyball days were over." He had chuckled. "I thought Akaashi was going to blow a gasket, he was so upset that I kept playing."

"I only had your best interest at heart," Akaashi had said. "Besides, you failed your math test that day, too, so you should've been studying."

"Why do you keep bringing that up?" Bokuto gave an indignant whine.

Overall, Hajime liked them. He thought they were nice and were like one of those couples you really only read about in those cheesy romance novels, so they were entertaining in that regard. And he could tell by the way they looked at the baby that they'd already fallen hook, line, and sinker. They'd give the baby what he needed, things that Hajime wouldn't be able to provide. They were the picture perfect family.

And so, Hajime finally addressed the elephant in the room while when Bokuto and Akaashi announced that they should be heading home. It was now or never. "If you two want, you can go ahead and take him home." He didn't have to ship nonchalantly because nothing was wrong. _Nothing._

All eyes were on him now, slightly widened, and they could probably hear a pin drop.

"Are you sure, Iwaizumi-san?" Akaashi asked. "If you want to spend a few more days with him, then –"

Hajime shook his head. "No, it's fine. The sooner he gets used to you two, the better. I know it's not going to happen overnight, but might as well start as early as we can."

"Hajime…" Suga started.

"If you want to take the formula and car seat, that's fine, too," Hajime continued, ignoring the war drums in his ears, his clammy hands, Suga's scrutinizing gaze. "Unless you want to take the seat back, Koushi."

Suga was silent for a long moment, his eyes never leaving Hajime's back, before finally replying. "No, I don't need it."

"It's all yours, then." Hajime started putting the formula tins and diapers into plastic sacks, helping Bokuto haul them out to their car.

Once everything was moved out and Hajime filled them in on the baby's eating and sleeping schedule, Akaashi and Bokuto asked one more time before they left if Hajime was sure about this to which Hajime reassured them that _yes,_ he was sure. Because if they asked him again, he would've given a very different response.

"Thank you very much for everything, Iwaizumi-san," Akaashi said, the baby sleeping peacefully in his arms. "We can't thank you enough."

"Yeah, man, this means a lot. Like a lot, _a lot,"_ Bokuto added. "Akaashi's wanted to be a dad for forever now. Thank you so much."

Hajime smiled a bit, even though it hurt to do so. "Glad I could help."

With that, the couple left and Hajime blinked away the burning in his eyes. Blinked away the tears that he _should not be shedding._ Suga was still there, waiting on him, watching his every move, and he couldn't break. Not when Suga had to be at work so early in the morning. He didn't need to cause his friend any unnecessary stress. He didn't need to be worried because there was _nothing to worry about._ Nothing at all. Nothing at all.

Suga was on his feet as soon as the front door shut. "Hajime?"

Hajime didn't look at him. "I'm fine."

And if Hajime felt like his world had stopped spinning again, well, that wasn't anyone's business.


End file.
